i guess that it is typical....

to cling to memories youll never get back again....


well im thinking of starting a new tradition of general things about my birthday each year.

this year a lot has changed.  we moved to washington, decided we could try to parents, learned i dont ovulate, i became an aunt, i lost my job,  michael got a great new job, we got a second cat... im generally growing up.

ive wondered a lot the last couple of days about decisions i have made in the past and if they were the right ones.  im sure they were but you cant help but wonder.  what would have happened.  who would i be now.  and so on.

so ten years ago today i was a junior in high school.  i was dating a boy named miguel off and on for three years. i was living alone with my sister.  i was driving a blue jeep pick up truck.  i was sad.  my favorite album was lifted by bright eyes.  my favorite song was one foot in front of the other by bright eyes when the lyric was 'youd think after 22 years id be used to the spin.'  my favorite band was bright eyes.  my best friend was annie.  i was in laramie.  i hated it there.  i small and adorable.  i had let my hair grow past my shoulders.  i was ready to grow up and fall in love.

today i still feel lost in a lot of ways.  i have found things i love but i havent yet been able to obtain.  ive been with michael for three years now.  i drive a blue subaru.  im not sad.  my favorite album is still lifted by bright eyes but for different reasons.  i have so many favorite songs i cannot pick just one.  my favorite band is still bright eyes.  my best friend is michael and my sister.  im in washington and love it.  im not so small and a little less adorable.  my hair is short.  im still ready to grow up even though i know i have grown up a lot since i was 17.  i have fallen in and out of love and in love and am settled here.

interesting to see where next year will be.

it doesnt always work the way you planned it..

well okay.


it seems like i only remember my dreams that look at the idea that shows the what ifs in my life.

and it makes me wonder if i make the right call.

st patricks day fun

i have recently decided to add hair clips to my etsy store.  i am waiting for the clips to come in the mail in bulk so i currently only have green items up for sale since st patricks day is approaching.  i also have a pair of cute green star earrings.  there is also a great cat shirt that is green and a fun cat with green eyes on purple.  so check them out if you still need something green to wear...

http://www.etsy.com/shop/MyHeartForYours?ref=si_shop

my heart is getting tired..

..of circles spinning.  all the things that we started are never ending.


i absolutely suck at blogging.  probably because i know everyone that reads this also sees my facebook page.  i have no new pictures to show today.. just some rants.

after spending all of january in nebraksa falling in love with my niece i came home a little sad.  but after about two days life moved on and i was glad to be home.  im still glad to be home.  i have re-settled into my home.  the house is almost completely set up how i want it.  when it is all the way set up i will have photos to share.  anya isnt mad at me any more and echo will even sit on my lap at night now.  i have started to become comfortable with the area, my doctors, our ward, my life.  for the most part.

today however has been hard for me.  i have been sick for several weeks now and it keeps getting worse.  i ran out of anxiety meds four days ago and am starting to feel that.  the reality of my leaving again in ten days for five more weeks has hit me.. just now.  i love my niece and my sister.  but i dont want to go back for five weeks.  i dont want to miss easter and my birthday.  i dont want to figure out my health issues without the help of my specialists.  i dont want to have to leave sadie again when i come home either.  i just want to stay here.  and paint robots or cats on the walls and start my own life.

i wish our house in utah would sell.  we are barely scraping by with it.  i wish michaels car hadnt decided to break down this week.  i  wish my students loans hadnt decided to take me off deferment way before i was last told they were going to and that i had been told before i was 90 days past due.  i wish my crafts would sell.  i know people like them.  i wish gas wasnt $4 a gallon and that an oil change wasnt too much money for us.  i wish i had some friends.  i wish i could get a tattoo today.

i just wish...

you thought by now youd be so much better than you are...

well i said i would do this more often and its been two months... i suck at blogging.

we are in our new house, have been a couple weeks now.  its really nice.  the cats seem to have adjusted nicely, even anya.

i need to find a job like a month ago.  so the search is on i guess.

otherwise things are going well.  ive socialized more out here than i ever did in utah.  and my four year mark out of laramie is coming up.

and here are my girls, being well adjusted.

adventures in moving..

well we have been in seattle a month now.  we left utah on august 29 and drove the fourteen hours up northwest.  its beautiful and nice.  we bought a house up here that will be complete in november and is a little smaller than we got used to in draper.  it will be really nice though.  the cats will love the windows.  michael seems to be doing well at his job and i am gradually becoming a regular house wife who cooks, cleans, and does crafts all day.  ALL DAY.  its sometimes boring but i love the complete lack of pressure to do anything.

here are some fun photos of the move for your enjoyment....

and here are some of the first 45 day apartment....

i will try to remember to update more i guess....

where the forest and the water become one.

the upcoming threat of moving is starting to get stressful.  its nice to know it will all be taken care of but the fact that we wont have any income for about four weeks when we are already scraping by is not a comforting thought.

im excited about the move though.  it will be nice to get out of the desert.  it will be nice to get away from seeing people i dont want to see at the store.  it will be nice to start over again, even if i only just found a hair stylist i like.

moving anya is not going to be an easy task.  every part of it makes me nervous.  we are hopeful that having a calm cat around will help make her calm but i know it will probably make it worse for her since shes such a crazy.

it was unfortunate timing with sadie's birth though.  it would have been nice to be able to spend lots of time with my sister.  great timing for having lost my job though.  so the bead shop is on hold for probably forever at this rate.

but i am going far away so if i have friends ive forgotten perhaps call me before i go and we can get lunch or something.