where the forest and the water become one.

the upcoming threat of moving is starting to get stressful.  its nice to know it will all be taken care of but the fact that we wont have any income for about four weeks when we are already scraping by is not a comforting thought.

im excited about the move though.  it will be nice to get out of the desert.  it will be nice to get away from seeing people i dont want to see at the store.  it will be nice to start over again, even if i only just found a hair stylist i like.

moving anya is not going to be an easy task.  every part of it makes me nervous.  we are hopeful that having a calm cat around will help make her calm but i know it will probably make it worse for her since shes such a crazy.

it was unfortunate timing with sadie's birth though.  it would have been nice to be able to spend lots of time with my sister.  great timing for having lost my job though.  so the bead shop is on hold for probably forever at this rate.

but i am going far away so if i have friends ive forgotten perhaps call me before i go and we can get lunch or something.

underneath the sycamore

tonsil surgery isnt so bad ive discovered.... tonsil surgery recovery sucks.

if you can avoid it i would completely recommend doing that.  or forcing your kids to do it when they dont realize whats happening.

i guess store planning is going to have to be put on hold for a couple weeks.

but here is what we decided on for the name... pocketful of beads.  michael finally put in his two cents and reminded me that pocketful and pocket full are both correct.

pocket full of dreams.... i mean beads.

so in my unemployment i have decided it is time to attempt to open up my own store.

i have decided on a bead shop where i will do custom work and also sell some of my felt creations.

there is an empty store up the road from the house and im really hopeful i can get approved for a loan to open up shop there.

my next step is picking a place to do a loan through.  i need to come up with a name too.

the best i have come up with is beads n things.  which to be honest, is just lame.

lyndsi had a couple of good ideas... pocket full of beads or sea of beads.

anyone else have any thoughts?

im super excited about this plan.  so i will only take accepting ideas.

michaels birthday

today is michaels birthday... 29. getting up there.

 im excited at the possibility of spending his next 29 years with him.

id rather be working for a paycheck...

...than waiting to win the lottery.

day one of unemployment is going okay.

im a little bored already.  i like being home, but its nice to know there will be an end.

ive finished writing a paper and thats about it.  took me about three hours.

im not nervous yet but if this goes on for a long time we will probably have some problems.

anya seems happy im here though.

how could someone not love cats.

are smells really the most memorable thing

dear pandora....

after listening to my bright eyes station i set up a couple of weeks ago i have noticed that you keep suggesting songs i used to always listen to but havent in like two years.

while these songs are playing im remembering who i used to be.  its making me feel nostalgic and grateful.

 i sometimes miss the feelings i used to have because i think i felt more then... but everything i felt was negative.  now i may feel less but at least i dont live with the hope that death will accidentally happen to me.

so thank you for that reminder... love, jessica

music is about the only thing that brings me back there.. and i wonder why people always say smell makes you remember most things.

i think its jessica vance that feels these things and im not her any more. thankfully.